Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
