I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
