I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
