my sisters under your porch take her home
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
