mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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