Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Randomize
