I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
