who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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