You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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