Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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