My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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