i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
