He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
