in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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