But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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