I'm going to jail i love you
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
