I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
