I can tuck mytits in my pants
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
