the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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