she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
