just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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