You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
