Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
