apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
