I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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