i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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