My first STD was from a foam party
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
