the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
