Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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