I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
