why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
