I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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