I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
