You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
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