i always forget guys have bellybuttons
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Randomize
