Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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