Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
