i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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