He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
