How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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