You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
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