dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
