Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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