Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I could make wine with my vomit
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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