you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
