i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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