If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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