It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
