Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
