it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Can I color on your dick again?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
