If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
