Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
