why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
