No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
