i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
