Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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