doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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