Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
